Self-compassion: a lesson I had to learn 7000 miles from home.
As I stood in an unlivable hostel private room in absolute disbelief at the last 60 minutes of the most trying travel day of my life, I came to an unhealthy conclusion much faster than I'd care to admit.
Sitting on a stone-like luggage holder, peering in stunned panic at the unmade bunk beds adorned by plastic-covered mattresses and oddly smelling linen pleading for another wash cycle, I concluded that I should endure this unsatisfactory accommodation as some ridiculous form of punishment for not picking a better one.
"Sometimes, you just have to live with the consequences of your decisions, and this just might be that moment for me." I heard myself utter to the rest of my travel party, averting their gaze out of shock and shame.
“It’s like touching a hot stove,” I reasoned aloud, half listening to my own words, half wondering if I could just fly home early. “Maybe I need to experience the extreme discomfort of staying here so that I never make the mistake of booking a place like this again.”
I was taking full responsibility for us sitting in the disheveled room, even though it was a joint decision. I neglected the fact that we, with all of our collective travel experience and insight, truly did make the best decision based on what we knew. We sat on the phone together, sent listings back and forth, and truly did believe this one to be the best option based on the information we had.
The issue was that what we thought we were getting into was simply not at all what the reality became. There was no way we could've foreseen that, yet there I was preparing to suffer through in the name of...what? Pride? I'm honestly still unsure, but all I know is that I was going to make myself stay in the raggediest accommodation I've ever laid my eyes on to "teach myself a lesson."
But thankfully, I did learn a lesson that day, just a different one. As the day continued to unfold, and it felt like at every turn this portion of the trip had fallen apart, I realized I could do this differently. I realized there was a kinder, more gentle way to treat myself in times of stress.
I don't have to suffer when I make mistakes, misstep, or when things just don’t work out. I have the resources, space, and ability to pivot in the moment. I can change my mind. I can use new information to make better decisions in real-time, not just next time. If I had stayed in that hostel, I would've hated my time in Korea, but putting my foot down and saying I don't have to stay where I am deeply uncomfortable allowed me to enjoy my short stay in that country that much more.
Though I don't intend to ever return to South Korea, what I did find in Seoul was self-compassion I didn't realize I lacked so drastically. I didn’t know just how little I was offering myself until I felt myself holding it back.
The truth? I don't have to endure every consequence of every decision I make. Most things aren't final. There's often an opportunity for change. There is a balance I can strike between self-discipline and self-compassion. I just have to keep my eyes open and my feet light and my hand off the rod!
Thalia is excited to return to East Asia in 5 years, but this time venturing to Thailand or Vietnam after her customary week or so in Japan.
