In early July, I was feeling bored and stuck in routine, which has historically been the perfect environment for a decline in my mental health. I present to you musings on the matter and real-time problem-solving.
It's an ongoing circle
No sights to behold (sights to behold)
Vicious repetitions
While still cycling home
– from “Chronic Sunshine” by Cosmo Pyke
Photo by Jared Seller Bryson
Note: this piece was written in early July 2022, but I hesitated to publish it because these feelings left me before I could get it onto the blog. Though it's a bit dated, I think this reflection is still worth sharing. In more ways than one, much has changed since I wrote this piece. I've implemented many of the tactics mentioned in this blog over the last month and am actually feeling rather unstuck now. Cheers to growth and problem-solving, friends! Happy reading :)
I find it quite odd and equally inconvenient that the extremely human desire for routine very well may lead to my undoing.
As I am settling into my work and fitness routine, and hurriedly doing away with my school routine, I am finding my mind numbed and idle. Boredom and isolation have returned to me. Hear me, friends, they cannot stay.
My previous solution to this problem was to lean into my absolute favorite hobby of all: jet-setting. If it were up to me, I'd be in Chicago this very week, actually. But I am planning on moving out soon and simply cannot justify a $1200 4-day Airbnb stay to my financial advisor.
But I cannot (and shouldn't) rely on traveling to escape the same boredom and isolation that tossed me into a bout of depression last fall. The fact of the matter is that even at thirty thousand feet in the air, I cannot escape the reality that when I land, I'll almost certainly have to parade about whichever city I chose alone.
Though my travels allow my brain a break from the monotony of everyday life, it temporarily deprives me of the very little social interaction I have. I've recently tried to mitigate that by traveling to visit people I know (s/o to the Helsinki and DC crew!), but eventually, I do have to get back on a plane and go home.
My routine returns: eat, work, eat, exercise, bathe, watch a YouTube video or two (right now, I'm into breakdowns of major cities' architectural styles), journal a bit, then off to bed. If it's not raining, I may go on a walk once I get home or maybe if there's a concert in town I'll see it (Franz Ferdinand is coming next month and my spirit is so ready).
I try to inject as much social interaction into that routine as I can, whether it's a sorta weekly after-work walk at the park or a random weekday dinner at a new restaurant. When I do see my friends, it's always a lovely time. But they're few because my friends are insanely successful people and they – like I – have routines to attend to. So, after some thought, I've ideated the following solutions to curb the consequences of sinking into routine and isolation:
I am a member of The Gathering Spot now and they have a ton of events literally all the time. I paid for it, I might as well go. Also, Urban Grind has Open Mics on Thursdays, maybe I'll go to those too. Maybe I'll even challenge myself to talk to one human being at each event. If y'all hear of any events in the city, pass them on, please!
I did this last December and sprinted through Love by Toni Morrison and The Making of Biblical Womanhood by Beth Allison Barr in three days. I was so proud of myself and really enjoyed these titles (expect an Introducing piece for both of them at some point). I've tried to get through more classic reads, like The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and The Body Keeps the Score, but it's been a struggle, to say the least. Add me on Goodreads and send recs, if you have them. Maybe I can join a local book club, too?
Fluency in Japanese is for sure still a goal of mine, but I worry that adding a study routine into my weave of current routines may only exacerbate the problem. There are several groups in the city for Japanese language learners, though, and a ton of formal classes too.
I could really pour into this, fr. Spending my time producing as I did as a teen. It'd be fun, and it may even be beautiful, but I want this exercise to be energizing and liberating, not consuming. I need a layered, dynamic life and this makes it too easy to get burnt out.
The church I attend (New Life ATL, if y'all looking for a church) has plenty of outreach work I could help with. Minus whale! For the kingdom!!!
And with that, I've found 5 possible solutions to my problem! I've been telling myself recently that I am smart and capable and a problem-solver, and it's cool to see that in real-time. Glad y'all could see it too. Though I write this on a half-warm bed in a still house at 2:30am on a Sunday morning, I am encouraged that this is not my forever. But, this is my reality for the moment and I've got to find some way to dance through this. I can't afford not to.
