WHAT GISELLE SAY??? But sometimes, baby, you are the mf that’s tryna stop you. I got out my way tho, and now we up. Let’s talk about it.
I'M THAT GIRL
- "I'M THAT GIRL" x Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter
I had a conversation with a friend recently about what living the dream looked like for us. And it pushed me to ponder, am I living my dream right now? Am I proud of where I am at this moment? And in that reflection, it dawned upon me that not only am I living my dream, but I’m experiencing a very clear byproduct of fully living the life I am meant to live: confidence.
In August, I was really on a woe-as-me type beat for a few weeks. I was so focused on things that weren’t going my way. I was ruminating on the past, taking things personally, wallowing in what I lacked, and letting fear/anxiety/whatever take center stage.
But then it clicked that the power to move beyond all that lies within me!
When I pulled myself out of that negative headspace, I began to see God everywhere I went, in every step I took, every move I made, and every conversation I had. Knowing I am not alone in this world and that, as MIKE said, God really is with me is the biggest source of confidence I could have.
I recognized that I exclusively have the ability and responsibility to look at every obstacle in my life, tap into the Spirit that lives within me, and garner the gall to move past all opposition by any means necessary. I am capable of the mental, emotional, and spiritual fortitude required to look at these obstacles and know that on the other side of them is an even fuller life for me!
To do that, here are some things in my life that are helping me build my confidence these days.
Through exercising patience in trying seasons, I witnessed the power of alignment in my life. There is so much meant for you, but if you're not in the right place to receive it, it’ll pass you right on by.
Alignment means staying in your own lane, running your own race, and receiving all the very specific and unique blessings that were meant for you that you simply could not have received if you were off somewhere hustling backward trying to live someone else’s life.
If you’re trying to do what your cousin is doing, trying to keep up with your old classmate, or pursuing the dreams of your parents at the sake of your own, then what was meant for YOU is gonna pass you by because you were worrying about what everybody else had going on and not focused on being where you are supposed to be!
I’ve noticed alignment most in the connections I’m building and the direction of my career. When I am aligned with what I’m supposed to be doing, where I’m supposed to be, and who I’m supposed to be around, I really do feel more confident. What can I not achieve when I’m exactly who/what/where I’m supposed to be right now?
Confidence is believing that I can do something, bravery is actually doing it despite how difficult it may seem.
In both professional and personal settings, I’m setting and enforcing boundaries, communicating where I need support, and standing on my decisions while also acknowledging where I can improve.
I’m trying new things and expanding my horizons. When opportunities that feel aligned with where God is taking me are presented to me, I’m not afraid or concerned with how I’ll be able to do it. I’ve been so acutely tapped into my skillset, my training, and my experience to know that I am more than capable of stretching myself beyond my present territory. Every time I try something new and I gain insight from that experience, I am more emboldened to go even further.
I’m confident because I’ve been leaning more into the part of me that knows I am capable of ascending to higher heights because I’m doing it. I’m also confident enough in my sense of self-preservation to know when I’m stretching myself too far or I don’t have what I need to do something.
I’m learning lessons and implementing them faster. I receive feedback or have a lesson-filled experience and I document them and find ways to apply them quickly. This allows me to make fewer/less frequent mistakes of the same nature. Will I slip up again? Oh, for sure. I’m just more confident in my learning ability to not keep slipping up on the same problems or issues. As my old job used to say, to learn the most, you have to fail fast. Fail, learn from it, and apply that learning by trying again quickly. The more opportunities to fail, the more you’ll learn and the better you’ll get.
I’m confident that I can embrace failures and missteps as opportunities and quickly turn those into lessons I can apply across aspects of my life.
I’ve been approaching conflict from a place of love, not ego. I’ve been trying to be aware enough to know when the ego is trying to grab the mic so I can take it back before any damage is done. I returned to this quote recently from Never Get Angry Again that helps me center myself on this:
“The greater our self-esteem, the less quick we are to take offense because when we love ourselves, (a) we don’t assume that someone’s actions mean he doesn’t respect us; and (b) even if we do come to that conclusion we aren’t angered, because we don’t need his respect in order to respect ourselves.”
I’m confident because I know that I love myself and the way people treat or feel about me has no impact on that. It’s not about me unless I make it about me. I’m confident that I have the power to simply not make it about me.
I’ve been doing things that are beneficial to my life. A quick list
These decisions help me feel confident. I’m confident in my ability to make good decisions for myself, my body, my creative expression journey, my mental health, my relational health, and my financial health. I’m still learning, of course, and have much to improve on in my decision-making as I grow as a person. But as for this moment, right now? I’m grateful for where I’m at and confident that I’m in a good place.
Through these elements, I can tell the truth when it’s a difficult truth to face, I can enforce my boundaries, I can record that podcast, I can write that book, I can nail that interview, I can be me. I don’t have to hide or shrink or morph or defend myself all the time. I can be soft, present, vulnerable, generous, and gentle with myself and with others. I am loved, powerful, cared for, and capable now. Not later, not when a person does or says something to me, not when I host my first dinner, not when I get a dog, not when I get back into tech, not when I have a partner, not when I take that trip. I am all of those things and more now. Right now! I love and respect myself now. There is no pre-requisite that I’m missing for that. I wait for nothing. I have nothing to prove.
Thalia, 24, is just happy to be here, looking and living good, feeling even better.
