Any feelers in the building??? MAKE SOME NOISEEEEE.
I'm waitin', waitin' for nothin'
You're leavin', leavin' me hangin'
When did your heart go missin'?
When did your heart go missin'?
-- from "When Did Your Heart Go Missing?" (2007) x Rooney
When I sat down to start planning this week’s piece, I made an astounding discovery: there has only been one “Feeling” piece this year.
Mind you, there are 35 whole pieces on this gorgeous blog that’s nearly a year old, yet only five of them are in the Feeling category. Considering there’s 4 entire categories here that these pieces can fall into, that feels quite underrepresented.
And that’s odd, I’ll say, because this blog’s initial purpose was to serve as a playground for me to express, amongst other things, how I feel. And somehow in the last 6 months I’ve neglected that. I’ve focused almost entirely on what I’ve been doing, learning, and sharing. I’ve discussed solo travel trips, my unemployment journey, and my experience with stained glass, but only once this year have I publicly asked myself how I feel. Not how I feel about Paris or photo albums, but how I am feeling these days. Unfortunately, I’ve neglected to ask myself that both publicly on the blog and privately in my own journaling practice.
I did one piece in May about feeling at home that was based on a journal entry from February, but that’s it. And when I decided to make this week’s piece a Feeling one, I realized that I genuinely didn’t know what to say. Perhaps I’ve been so swept up in my job hunt, summer travel season, and everyday life activities, that I have not been taking the time to reflect on my own emotions and write them down.
Frankly, the last Feeling piece of 2022 was a rough and heavy lament. Perhaps that grief pushed me away from talking about how I felt at all. Looking at the blog and my journal now, that seems to be the case.
The next three pieces were about lessons from old journal entries, breakfast, and gifts. The next three journal entries were about travel credit card options, my annual bonus, and my 2023 concert schedule.
Regardless of the reason, the very cornerstone of this blog has somehow slipped my mind in the last six months.
It’s time for that to change.
May I present to you 3 feelings of mine that came up this week, courtesy of the feelings wheel, and what I plan to do about them.
First things first, I know I'm goin be good regardless because my faith is in the Lord! I’m leaning into the fact that what is promised to YOU, what is for YOU, can't be denied or destroyed by nobodyyyyyy. And my hope is in that.
As a person on LinkedIn said, "your fit is coming." And is!
Even outside of my job hunt, I am hopeful and optimistic for this life. Even though some of my friends are convinced 24 is so old (talking bout “we getting old” No baby Y'ALL old, not me sorry), I recognize that we truly have an entire life ahead of us. I write often about how the vision for my life becomes clearer as I continue to have meaningful experiences of growth and learning. And I find much hope in the sheer amount of opportunities I have and will have to grow as a person! Like y'all don't think that's exciting?? It's mad encouraging to consider that my best is truly yet to come.
I'm only gonna get better. My writing is only gonna improve, my capacity to love and care for the people around me is only going to increase, my wisdom is only going to deepen, my perspective is only going to expand. I'm only gonna get cooler, bro!!! And I'm already pretty cool, I think, so I'm just grateful for progress and time and the ability to wake up every morning and choose growth.
As I walked down a street in Dearborn Park yesterday, I saw some fascinating words painted on the sidewalk: predict, explore, plan, study, excavate, observe, guess. There were others, but I felt particularly inspired by these words to nurture my innate curiosity in the world around me. I immediately wondered, hm what could excavation look like for me? What am I interested in studying? What predictions or observations can I make, and how can I plan to check those? What explorations can I embark upon?
I've always been a relatively daring learner (I randomly signed up for an Arabic class at a local community center at 18) and I'm happy to report my graduate school experience didn't kill the joy I find in learning something new! So I feel very comfortable leaning into my curiosity (about the world not individual people’s business, cuz y'all know I don't want to be in nobody business for any reason ever).
One way to be curious is just wandering around cities as I tend to do, but looking for at least 5 things every day that are unique to the place or new to me. For example, I've noticed (or maybe am just seeing again because it's been some time since I've been here) that there are compasses on the ground at the exit of some CTA stations. When I saw that, I found it absolutely brilliant and super helpful! No need to look confused waiting for the little blue circle on Google Maps to get its act together. I'm tryna see the water? East! I walked two blocks down from my hotel earlier? North! Like ughhh genius. But that's the sort of thing that's very easy to miss if you're not paying attention and asking questions about what you see.
Finally, I'm feeling playful and fun and joyful and interested in living life! Maybe it's cuz the sun is out, we're back in 75-90 degree weather, I'm a little more willing to get outside, and MY SKIN IS BEAMING. Regardless, I'm having fun and I love that for me. I also am really happy that I've been able to be self-aware enough to curate lots of experiences and spaces where I can comfortably and safely be playful. I know what fun looks like to me, so it's easy for me to build that into my day, trip itinerary, or weekend plans.
I’ll write a more focused piece in the near future about how to build a better itinerary, but baby believe you me, this Chicago itinerary went crazyyyyyy. Like peak Thalia trip planning. I recently wrote about seeing yourself in the life you live, and I saw myself in every moment of this trip. That was by intention. By design, if you will.
If you ask any of my friends or my mama even lol, they’ll tell you I also get sillier as the temperature warms! I be dancing and singing and making really corny jokes in the family group chat because I want to have funnnn and life is too dang short to be serious all the time. Somebody's gotta be the playful one in my family and, as the youngest, it is my birthright! It is my duty to bring the vibes and make everyone do fun things like go on nature walks. In order to do any of that, I must allow myself to relax and enjoy what I got going on. Because tomorrow ain't promised, so I've got to ensure I enjoy right now, today.
I wish you the safety and courage to do the same.
Happy Summerrrrrrr <3
