The best part about learning lessons is the ability to look back on them in case you forget. No hard heads round here, besties.
I’ve been rereading some old journal entries from last year to connect to my younger self and to see if she has any insights for me that may be helpful in these days of fasting, patience, and vision. I found these three and thought I’d share.
March 25, 2022
it’s really easy to get caught up in what you did wrong or what isn’t going your way. It’s really easy to find something to complain about. But sometimes people show grace to you that you should really start showing to yourself. Sometimes people are more gentle with you than you are with yourself.
The sun is shining, you have the physical ability to exercise, you have the financial ability to attend a lagree class, you have a car and the money to put gas in it. There is so much good in this moment, this opportunity. Yeah there’s traffic, but you’ll be ok. Yeah, you missed your turn, but you can bust a U. You can reroute. You can always reroute and get back on track. Yeah you missed class, but now you’re going to another one. Relax.
April 28, 2022
Never doubt the power of a good massage, nap, and stroll through a park. They can center you and bring you back to where you ought to be. Never doubt the power of a listening ear and a good, kind friend. Never take things personally. 9/10, ain’t nothin bout you fr. A bowl of ramen and a big ole glass of water can change a person. Go outside, touch some grass, get tf out of your head and into this insanely amazing reality God has blessed you with. Get some rest and take care of yourself. There’s so much more for you.
October 21, 2022
And we’ve been afraid to move and live from our heart completely because we’ve let anxiety and fear of embarrassment and rejection lead. We’ve let ourselves bury our heads in what we can control because we are afraid of the despair that may come with things we cannot control. We’ve chosen to only be conditionally brave, conditionally honest about our feelings, but at what point will enough be enough?? AT WHAT POINT WILL WE CHOOSE TO LIVE WITHOUT CONDITIONS??? Yes, we’ve made insane progress and that should be celebrated. But once we get out of our heads for good, not just for a week or a few days, and really dive into the water of life head first, there will be a beautiful sight to see.
You’re so afraid to say how you feel, you can’t even articulate it to YOURSELF. Let alone your friends. Let alone the actual crush. Maybe you’re even afraid to feel at all! But baby let me be the one to tell you that that’s no way to live. This has got to end. You’ve got to stop caring about what will happen or won’t happen. You just gotta focus living and feeling and loving and praying and trusting and trying and LET THE REST OF THAT GO. FOR GOOD.
