If you're wanting to be generous to the folks around you, gift giving is just one way to express your feelings! I have a few specific gifts I enjoy giving the most.
While my top love language isn’t receiving gifts, I’ve found over the last few years that it brings me much joy to give gifts to the folks in my life.
In some circles in my life, gift exchanges are baked into how we relate to each other. My friends from undergrad (s/o Emersen, Zach, Carla, and Daniel) and I have been hosting annual Secret Santas since Dec 2017. Thankfully, despite location differences, a whole pandemic, and the transition of graduating, we’ve kept this tradition of gifting each other something we asked for/wanted/needed through each year of our friendship. Sidenote: also s/o drawnames.com for making that gift exchange process so easy year after year.
But gifts don’t necessarily have to be tied to traditional times of giving or even be routine at all. Some gifts can be totally spontaneous and random and just as meaningful, if not more so! What seems to truly be of most importance when it comes to giving people gifts as a sign of appreciation, affection, and/or care is that whatever sentiment you’re expressing is 1) genuine and 2) expressed outside of the gift you’re giving.
If you really appreciate how a friend shows up for you, Christmas or their birthday ought not to be the only time of year that they hear you express that. If you really care about a partner, showing up with a bouquet and chocolates on Valentine’s Day or even a date night ought not to be the only time you express your love or care for them.
Further, your expression ought to be congruent with the truth of your feelings. For example, if your true sentiment is of deep appreciation, but all you do is send a “thx” text three weeks after they helped you on a huge project, then there’s a mismatch between the level of feelings and level of expression. Not to say you owe them a certain word count or a billion dollar gift card, but communicating how you feel in a way that you think would accurately convey the level of the feeling is really important. Congruency is crucial here.
The core of the matter of gift giving as a medium of expression is that it’s but only one singular way you can express how you feel about another person amongst a myriad of other methods! I felt it important to clarify that before we move on.
Anyway, if you’re looking for some gift giving inpso, here are a few gifts that I enjoy giving.
I’ve been a very avid reader pretty much all my life. I’ve traveled worlds and universes and galaxies through the words of hundreds of authors over the last 23 years. And for as long as I can remember, I’ve used books to connect with the people around me, many of whom also love getting lost in a story just as much as I do.
My earliest memories of gifting things or sharing with others point back to elementary and middle school, when I’d become so infatuated with a book, I’d gift it to a classmate so they too can experience the same joy I had. Even now, I continue to share with both children and adults the strung together words that create entire worlds right in their hands. But especially the children.
Just today, I prepared to gift my younger cousin five of my most beloved Roald Dahl books for her 10th birthday. Though it was certainly bittersweet to part ways with some of the most impactful stories of my early youth, I gifted them to her because I know she is already an avid reader and I hope these books will give her as much joy, imagination, and wisdom as they gave me all those years ago.
I adore flowers. I also adore the look in someone’s eyes when I gift them flowers. Whether it be a friend, a family member, or an acquaintance, their eyes always brighten with what I assume to be a mixture of both shock and appreciation. Shock because not a lot of folks give each other flowers these days, especially platonically. And appreciation because flowers, as they have throughout history, have long been a sign of deep care and, at the very least, interest in the recipient’s wellbeing and the beauty of their space.
Also flowers are mad cheap. Like check your local grocery store and you’ll be amazed. Kroger on Ponce?? Those bouquets are insanely gorgeous and they’re like $10. Or if you’re more interested in supporting a local florist, do that!
But when folks say we gotta give people their flowers while they can, I took that personally. And literally. And I always try to make it a point to share the joy and beauty of a good (and usually inexpensive) bouquet of flowers.
This type of gift, like all gifts, require at least some knowledge of the interests, likes, and dislikes of the recipient. But if you’re looking to gift someone a way for them to spend their time, I always enjoy gifting experiences to those I love.
Over last summer, I gifted my grandma, mother, and father the experience of their first Atlanta Braves game in either a few decades or literally ever. And while this was in a period of my own personal development into learning, understanding, and enjoying America’s favorite pastime, I knew also that my family would revel in a family outing where we could participate in this experience together. Their smiles and observations and the way their eyes lit up at every home run made it very clear to me that this was in fact an experience they enjoyed having.
And experiences can come at any price point, including free! The experience of a a walk in the park during sunset is a gift. The experience of trying a free new class in the neighborhood together is a gift. The experience of showing someone your favorite coffee shop and watching them take savoring sips of their iced coffee is a gift of an experience! The key to this is knowing your people and knowing yourself and knowing ways that they could experience time that’d bring them joy and add pleasure to their time.
There are a ton of more gifts you can give people, but these are just my fave 3 to give. You can gift a service or a Swedish massage or wise advice or even a trip to Tokyo, but no matter what you do, I hope you continue to find enough generosity and gratitude in your heart to share with others. I hope you are always able to express your feelings about them to them, with congruency in mind.
May you also be the recipient of many expressions of care and love and appreciation, for I’m very sure you are deeply loved and cared for by someone, if none other than yourself! Even outside of holidays and especially on the days you need it the most.
Happy gift giving!
