One of my favorite ways to spend time is cruising 35k feet in the air otw to roam about somebody's city. Itinerary in phone. Iced coffee in hand. Freedom in heart.
Whatever your shit is, man, do it
Whatever bring you that immense joy, do that, that's your luxury
from "MASSA" by Tyler, the Creator
There is a very sweet and delightful experience that, over the years, has come to be less of a luxury and more of something like a birthmark for me; it is an unremovable identifier, an obvious mark on the way I live my life that cannot be ignored. Solo travel is an integral, unavoidable part of my life; an expensive habit that yields one of the greatest rewards: joy.
The way I feel about solo travel is very similar to how I feel about concerts: it is a need, not a want. A non-negotiable. The pulsing, funky bassline behind the jazz composition that is my life, constantly pushing it forward and keeping it in time. My Travel Plans page on Notion is simply incomplete without at least 1 of these in the "Planning" stage.
However, if you were to ask one of my friends, they'd say that I love to travel more than I love solo travel. And they're not wrong. As of late, I've been making it a point to travel more with the people I hold dear, whether that's to a new city or to visit a friend. And in group travel, the fundamental desire is still being addressed: I'm moving about this insanely large rock seeing, smelling, tasting, and feeling new places filled with new people and realities. But while I love a good, well-planned group trip as much as the next person, sometimes those trips lack enough time and space for fresh air.
Time for each individual to drift off, discover something that only they would notice, stretch their muscles (mentally and physically), and engage in their specific interests without having to constantly be aware of another human or humans and consider their needs, desires, and comfort. It can be a couple hours or a couple days, but I truly believe EVERY group trip itinerary needs built-in alone time. Thank me later.
But yes, while I love to travel in general and am very intentional about carving out alone time when I travel with friends, there's something very unique about solo travel that consistently fills my heart to the brim.
I think back to my first actual solo trip, where it all began. Dallas, Thanksgiving weekend, 2017. I skipped Thanksgiving dinner with my family to go see Tyler, the Creator at House of Blues (much to my grandmother, Betty's, strong disapproval). And I had an absolute ball. I was 18.
And in Dallas, I discovered what it felt like to be solely responsible for the experience I had. It was freeing in a truly indescribable way. There was no pressure to do anything. I was able to make undisputed decisions about what I did, where I stayed, and where I ate. I was able to walk at my regular pace without someone asking me why I walked so slow. I was able to learn and experience a new city with my own eyes, in complete silence, if I liked, or with jubilant noise, if I desired.
It also taught me a huge amount of responsibility that extended past what was required of me as a teen roaming Atlanta. And with that responsibility came confidence! As the trip progressed, I realized moment by moment that I was, contrary to Betty's fear-based belief, very much safe, having fun, and capable of hopping on a plane to do whatever I liked.
Mind you, Betty was afraid. Not I. And I never let her fear, though rooted in love and concern for her youngest granddaughter, stop me from doing what I wanted to do.
So I'll pause here to say to those who are perhaps a bit afraid of solo travel, the key to getting rid of that fear is DOING IT. And proving your fears wrong. Doing something well that you were afraid you'd be bad at is THE best way to build confidence and competence. You truly do get better (at least at traveling) with time.
And that's exactly what I did. With each takeoff and landing, I got better and better at what I was doing. I got savvier. I started moving smarter. I started discovering ways to have an even better time. Being raised as an only child already instilled in me an incredible aversion to waiting or depending on anyone to do what I wanted, but baby once I figured out that I was more than capable of doing what I wanted to do alone??? That I didn't need to wait on my sisters or my mama and daddy or anybody to come with me??? It was over. A wrap. Finito. I, rather quickly, became a frequent visitor at Atlanta Hartsfield Jackson International Airport. I started to see the world. I got out of my bubble. And hit the ground running.
And since that fateful weekend trip almost exactly 5 years ago, so much has changed for me. I went from stomping down Peachtree St to stomping across Shibuya Crossing in two years. Stomping. With confidence. With my chin up. With my head high. With my eyes on the world around me. Taking everything in all the time. Holding everything I could in my memory (and my camera roll). Taking deep breaths. Thanking God for his protection and blessing every step of the way. Making memories I could bring home and tell Betty about, though I knew they'd probably never keep her from worrying lol. Grandmothers goin grandmother tbh.
Get out there, y'all. That's all I gotta say. It's fun and rewarding and super cool to travel with your friends, I know! I have traveled with such lovely people and will 100% continue to do so!
But, friend, once you get out there by yourself?? You start discovering things about yourself that will surprise you. You get to know yourself in such a different and unique way when the only voice around you is yours. When the only opinion available is yours. You start learning more about what pushes you, what your opinions are rooted in, what kind of pace you move at, what's important to you, what's memorable to you.
And you don't even gotta go far, tbh. Start close by. Go somewhere nearby, even if you've already been there, and just notice how different it is from when you went with your besties a few years ago.
But all I ask is that you don't let nobody, no fear-mongering headline, no nothing stop you from doing what you want to do, whether it's solo travel or something else. Most importantly, don't let yourself be the one to stop you from doing what it is you want to do. Fear is powerful, y'all. But so are you.
See y'all at the gate <3
