What did Doechii say??? Cheers to the right to be a beginner!
Being a lifelong student, a perpetual amateur if you will, brings so much joy, humility, and texture to my life. It's a very obvious reminder that I don't know everything and that there’s always more to learn.
I revel in being a student. I recognize and accept that to grow continuously means being an amateur at one thing or another often, if not in perpetuity. I know that being a student doesn't mean I have any less value as a person, it simply means that I have a desire to learn and the will to pursue that knowledge, even if it makes me look inexperienced. This love of learning has been a key part of my life.
Today, dear reader, I defend to you the state of being an amateur.
When you're a student, there's no room for ego. You are not the expert. You do not know all, you probably don't even know a lot. So you tend to listen more than you speak, ask more than you tell, watch more than you demonstrate, and practice more than you present. A posture of humility prevents arrogance from cropping up and allows you to see yourself and your environment more clearly.
When I joined my church's production team, I wasn't even a member of the church yet. I was happy to serve and they were happy to have me, but I didn't know how the team worked and they didn't know what I had to offer. So we both remained open to each other. It was a little rocky at first, but overtime I built trust, not by asking for it, but by showing why I deserved it through showing up consistently, with my full attention and an open mind. As they continuously provided a welcoming environment that was receptive to new ideas, mutual trust was built and relationships began to grow.
The biggest trap is trying something, failing, and giving up not because you're no longer interested in it (because it's always okay to change your mind), but because you’re afraid to fail (out loud).
If I had given up on the first batch of scones I ever baked, I would've never had the confidence to keep baking and keep trying and learning from my past mistakes. I recognized my failure, made proper adjustments, and did better the next time and the time after that. Over time, this helped me build my self-confidence and realize my ability to learn from my mistakes. Now? Baby I know a bag of flour, room temperature butter, and some eggs HATE to see me coming. I’m not a professional baker, but let’s just say I had households calling me for my brown butter chocolate chip banana bread this holiday season.
To be a student means to be in a never ending state of questions. Why is that? When did that begin? What are the exceptions? Where does this go? Who can help with this? Take the status of an amateur and use it as leverage to ask as many questions as possible to further your understanding and knowledge. Reach out to people. Inquire about something you read. Follow up with your teacher after class or during a break. Run an idea you had by another beginner. Ask questions. Ask a lot. Ask them all. Leave nothing on the table.
I made a wonderful friend this year who is, among other things, great at sewing. Once I decided that I intend to learn how to sew next year, I shot them a text asking if I could reach out to them for advice and tips as I go along. A yes or no question, truly. But their response was one of generosity, support, and kindness. Not only did they agree to share advice, they also offered me their old sewing machine and local resources for classes, workshops, and fabrics. Between them, my mom, my great-aunt, and a few other needleworkers in my network, I’m excited to ask more and learn more.
You can go to class for one thing, but leave with a whole different takeaway. You can take a math class and come away learning something new about your communication style. Sometimes it's not just about what you learn about the subject, it's about what you learn about yourself.
This summer, I took a German class…at the same time I was learning to swim and ramping up my triathlon training. What I learned from that class was that when I have competing interests fighting over my time and resources, I have to choose what makes most sense for me, not what is easiest or most comfortable. I quit German class halfway through so I could start going to swim practice that was only held on the same night. It was a hard decision, but a valuable lesson nevertheless.
Once you’ve experienced being an amateur, you’re able to more deeply connect with what it feels like for other amateurs in similar experiences. From a position of vulnerability and humility, you can now see things in a different perspective.
My first few months in Japan were really difficult because English didn’t get me very far in my little neighborhood. I had to put in so much work just to be able to go to the grocery store or watch a movie or just get around confidently. And because of that experience, I have such a deep respect and admiration for folks who travel or move to countries where they don’t know the official language, because I’ve done it and know firsthand how challenging of an experience it was.
Even if you have the most caring, understanding, and supportive friends and family, it may be really difficult to fail out loud. You may worry that taking too much of a risk will have folks looking at you sideways. You refuse the chance to have someone root for you just so there’s no witnesses in case you flop. It’s making music and never letting anyone hear it. It’s going back to school, but never telling anyone until graduation. It feels safe, but in reality it’s cutting you off from a very real source of support that could play a huge part in how it all turns out for you. A critical benefit of being a beginner is realizing just how much your community has your back, regardless of if you succeed and especially if you fail.
Over my dating escapades, I've learned that I can trust my friends, that they do indeed love me, that I can lean on them for support, and most of all, they won’t judge me when I fail. I used to hide my relationship failures from them, especially the ones who had great success in dating, because I didn't want them to think any less of me or that something was wrong with me. But what I've learned is that it's okay to fail and for the people you trust to see it happen.
Won’t I waste so much money trying something new? Won’t I grow discouraged over time? What if it’s not worth the effort? Won’t I be bad at it?
As our beloved Swamp Princess Doechii said, dear reader, you and I have a right to be bad at something when we first start.
“You have the right to suck right now. You just started! You have the right to say something that’s not cool. You have the right to be vulnerable. You have the right to be corny.”
Then it is a right, is it not? To be a beginner. To be a beginner and struggle. To be a beginner and fail on the first try or the first few tries. To get it wrong. To miss the mark.
If you’re worried about wasting resources or growing discouraged, just remember that the time will pass whether or not you take a chance on yourself. So if you’re too afraid to be a beginner home chef so you decide to give up and just order out forever, the time it would’ve taken for you to hone that skill will pass nevertheless, and you’d have nothing but UberEats receipts to show for it. You will never get better at something if you don’t put forth a consistent effort over a period of time.
When you feel like you want to skip the trial and error phase or when you feel like you don't want to take the time that's required to learn something new, consider this: every expert was once an amateur.
You think Mary Lou Williams came out the womb playing the piano like she did on Zodiac Suite (1945)? You think the first time CoCo Gauff picked up a racket, she was hitting aces? You think Gordon Ramsay's first steak was seared perfectly??? NO. These people who are pinnacles of excellence in their respective fields were once AMATEURS, just like you and me.
Now I'm not saying just because you take piano lessons, you'll start playing like Mary Lou. But what I am saying is that you'll never be able to play "It Ain't Necessarily So" until you learn a few chords on the piano.
Try! Fail! Please, I beg of you! I try and fail all the time, but eventually I start trying and succeeding. And that progression, my friend, is what makes life so much sweeter.
Thalia is excited for her upcoming adventures in amateurism: woodworking, cooking techniques, and aikido.
