I turned 27 on Wednesday. I learned some things in this last year of life. In true W2D fashion, here are a few of them.
Probably the most recent lesson. I used to think of my sensitivity as a nuisance at best and as an active hinderance to my wellbeing at worst. This year, through navigating difficult emotions, stepping up to never-before-seen challenges, and uncovering parts of me I never thought to pay much mind to, I’ve finally started to see my sensitivity as a lamp to show the forward. It can be what compels me to do what I was otherwise unwilling or simply too afraid to do. Most recently, my sensitivity left me acutely aware of how unprotected some of my boundaries are. That realization pushed me to tighten up, even at the risk of relationships with people I care about, and be braver when it comes to protecting the most tender parts of who I am.
Oh, if 10-year-old Thalia could read this now. For the longtime W2D readers, you may recall my almost decades long journey with self-image, desirability, and learning to see myself as the beautiful human being that I am. This lesson didn’t come all at once. But something about the last 6 months or so, I gradually was able to notice beauty in how I look, how I express myself, and how I carry myself through this world. It’s still a journey, though. I’m just really grateful to notice considerable progress here.
One of my goals is to develop perfect pitch with my body and health. I want to be able to know when something’s wrong and be able to implement a solution swiftly and accurately. But that takes practice and I’ve been getting a lot of that this past year. Learning when to go harder, when to step back, when to skip a Lagree class, when to go for that burpee, when to chill on the coffee, when it’s fine to go to Reynolds. I’ve been paying much more attention to the way my body feels in this last year and look forward to developing this awareness in the years to come.
In my last year of life, I went to the swamp, the beach, the mountains, and the desert. But the forest is where I’m meant to be. I’m meant to be amongst trees, listening to birds call from amongst the canopy, and minding the creatures of the forest floor. It is the environment that connects most deeply to me and, as a product of the Appalachian Foothills and the literal “City in the Forest,” I think it makes perfect sense.
I learned that my less-than-positive feelings don’t have to be fixed or resolved. I can just feel sad or upset or disappointed or whatever and still be okay. And once I decided to stop fighting the funk and just let it pass through naturally, I started to feel much better and much more capable of navigating difficult emotional experiences.
I’m working to prevent any youth-obsessed culture from infiltrating the way I see myself, my age, and my worth. I grieved a beautiful person barely a month older than me who died doing something I do every single day. If I didn’t know before, I learned then: my youth will not save me. Nothing is promised or guaranteed about anything in this life. Pain, life, circumstance comes for us all, no matter our age. I pray to age gracefully and healthily. But I’m deeply aware that it is a privilege to age at all.
I had a few difficult moments in this last year. I’m sure there will be more to come. But what I learned is that vulnerability requires bravery in a way I didn’t really understand until I had to do it for real. In grief over a friend. In fear over a parent’s cancer diagnosis. What would’ve been easy was to hide and disappear and tell no one and fade away until everything got “sorted out.” But how many know it ain’t ever really sorted out fr. So I could’ve taken the easy route of being prideful and keeping it inside for it to eat away at me or I could be brave and I could ask for help, an ear, advice, or just for someone to sit with me. Once I put my ego aside and let my pride take a backseat, humility and love were able to bloom within me and around me and I could finally receive the support I needed in those moments.
Baby I only been out here FOUR DAYS and it’s already been a lot. But it’s not about how you start, it’s about how you finish. And even though I’m not super duper up right now, I’m confident that God is going to do something great in my life this year. I’m excited to see it and praying that whatever comes my way, He will give me the strength, confidence, and wisdom to make it through.
I’m grateful to be here. I don’t take none of this for granted, you hear me? Not a bit.
.jpg)
.jpg)