Thinking about how I want to spend my time in 2023 and what approach I ought to take to see that through.
The warmth of your smile
Smile for me, little one
And this will be our year
Took a long time to come
-- from "This Will Be Our Year (Zombies Cover) by OK Go
I don’t know about you, but I do participate in the mass end-of-the-year reflection and new year resolution making. I don’t wait until the end of the year to reflect or ideate on everything (as made evident by literally every piece on this blog), but I do find the winter to be a good time to take stock generally over how this year transpired, what I learned from it, what I made it through/accomplished, and what I hope to experience in the new year. This piece will focus on the latter.
I want to take a bit of time to think through what I want to be doing next year. To set a bit of intention on how I want to spend my time next year and allow myself to lead with unbridled imagination as I visualize what I can be doing in 2023.
I’m not approaching this with a particularly sharp or specific lens, nor really focusing on literal actions or habits I’ll be committing to. This is more of a general intention-setting exercise for thinking about how I want to answer “what have you been up to?” or “what’s new?” and what I need to do to make sure the answers I have for those questions are ones that bring me joy, are sustainable and in alignment with the life I want to live. Shall we begin?
A large part of how I want to spend my time next year will probably require bravery and confidence and peace. I hope to spend time at ease and not particularly stressed or stretched. And what I’ve noticed in the last few months is the best way to do that is to simply stop inquiring about things I don’t want or need to know.
Generally speaking, I actually don’t need to know why someone did something or said something to me. I don’t need to know specific reasons behind behavior, read between the lines, or investigate situations as our dear friend Detective Benoit Blanc would. I realized I truly do have the power to opt-in or opt-out of a lot (but not all) of information. There are areas of life and certain relationships in which it is appropriate to ask hard questions, even if it risks discomfort or pain. But there are plenty of things, friends, for which I feel no need for further explanation. Perhaps this is “protecting my peace” but I truly do envision this practice to open up tons of mental and emotional capacity in the new year.
So if I get ghosted by someone I really enjoyed talking to, ding I probably don’t actually need to know why, because though it may hurt, it’s truly nothing I can control. If someone consistently doesn’t follow through with what they said they were going to do, ding I don’t need to know why, as my inspection of their reasoning likely won’t bring me any closer to joy. If someone is unkind to me unprovoked, ding I simply will move on, for seeking an explanation at that point is simply a barrier to safety. If a need or boundary I’ve communicated is still not being met or respected, ding no further investigation is needed, as it is simply a fact of the matter that they can’t or won’t.
Ngl, I’m doing this now and it’s been a blessing, truly.
This, I haven’t been as successful at so far, but I hope this can be something I achieve in the new year.
I often feel overwhelmed with options, paths, choices, and opportunities on even the most mundane level. Just today, I felt very overwhelmed with the decision of what to do with my hair and the many variables I had to consider (upcoming weather patterns, potential events or travel, availability of stylists, location of stylists, longevity of style, cost of style, etc). This also can extend to larger projects, like planning a two-week birthday trip overseas with 4-5 people.
And decision fatigue is real and exhausting and time-consuming. I don’t know how (yet) but I’m going to figure out a way to reduce it. I can imagine all the things I could do with the time I’d save and that’s truly the motivation. More time to do cool things.
Oooh but one space that I’ve actually been getting better at this with is nail designs! I reduce decision fatigue by simply discussing my idea for my next set with my nail tech while she’s doing the current set. I show her the picture, get her feedback, and leave with one set already knowing what I’m going to get for the next one. I don’t have to have backup ideas or alternates in case she can’t do it or spend hours scouring Pinterest for inspiration on the way to the shop. I share the decision-making responsibility by facilitating collaboration with a trusted person so that I can have a more easeful experience. Now I just gotta figure out how to/if I can apply that elsewhere. TBA, I guess.
This is also why I loveeee having a personal trainer. It completely takes away the cognitive load of fitness training. I do nothing but show up and do what she tells me we’re doing that day. So instead of deciding what moves work better for a specific muscle or whatever, I can focus entirely on establishing a strong mind-to-muscle connection and doing my best in the session. She focuses on optimizing my workouts for my body and my goals and I focus on not dying because sometimes she’s insane lmao.
My manager actually said this today as we had a discussion about procrastination and how it’s just a manifestation of perfectionism. He encouraged me to just release any pressure I had on myself to get it right the first time and to just do it, no matter how close or far it is from my idealistic vision of what it could be. It’s just a first draft and I could bring it to the team for feedback and then it could get better and better and closer to the vision I had.
I heard him, but whew chile I just in that moment didn’t really know how to apply that. I’ve been avoiding bad first drafts like the plague basically my whole life. I never wrote a revision for a paper literally in my entire life. No outlines, no first and second drafts. When I sat down to write (or edit videos or whatever) I wanted to do my best so that it could be the final draft and I could move on with my life. But that kind of pressure has been stifling my creativity recently and has gotten in the way of me doing cool things. So it’s time to cut that out.
I hope to approach things (both professionally and personally) with less pressure on myself to get them right the first time. Then, perhaps, I may have a bit more fun and get messy and build trust in the folks providing feedback that they’re being honest and not just nice. My efficiency would skyrocket fr.
Idk if this sounds selfish or not, but this is truly an intention of mine next year. I went all out for a few folks who have always gone above and beyond for me this year and I don’t regret it at all. But next year, I truly need to go all out for myself in a way that is sustainable (and financial advisor-approved lmaooo).
Not to say I didn’t spend money on myself this year, but I feel like I didn’t really make me and my financial goals as much of a priority as I could or should have. I invested a lot in creating experiences for others while sacrificing on some experiences for me. Again, #noragrets and I'm very grateful I was able to do so, but at some point, as Cookie said, "I gotta put myself first."
Basically the necessities/fundamental luxuries were taken care of, but there were a few things I said “no” or “not right now” to that I hope to be able to say “yes” to next year. I think approaching my finances this way will allow me to really invest in myself as a person and invest in the daily experience I hope to have. There's a balance in all of that, though. I'll find it.
I’m sooo proud of myself for the GIANT strides I’ve been making in this area in the last quarter and I’m equally as excited to see how much further this goes into the new year.
My progression in how I make and maintain connections with people is actually kinda insane. I love how I’m relating to the people in my life, whether I’ve known them for years or 30 minutes. My social wellness muscle has been strengtheninggg. I’ve relaxed so much and have really been working hard to allow myself to connect with people in a way that is honest and trusting and natural and comfortable for me, rather than hyper-analyzing or being avoidant out of fear of rejection. I’ve been more comfortable even in meetings at work and more relaxed and confident in how I work with my teammates. I’ve been intentional about getting outside to meet people and getting outside with people I already hold dear. I’ve been extending invitations, accepting invitations, checking on folks, allowing folks to set their own boundaries, and truly having a ball through it all.
Not taking anything personally has been a huge part of this, but also just confidence in who I am. I’ve also stopped seeking to control or influence other folks’ perceptions of me. I’ve stopped looking and started aligning/receiving/connecting. And I hope that continues into the new year as I continue to build connections with people and honor the social part of the life I hope to live.
May this year be your year, friend. And each one after that. Cheers <333
